MEDIA RELEASE: We Have Enough Marshalls

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Ever since the first Marshall stepped on the crusty shores of South England, Marshalls have accomplished much. Unlisted Thoughts recognises the achievements of Marshalls from the past, the present, and the future. However, Unlisted Thoughts, in partnership with the Observatory for Video Game Plots and Stories, is saddened to announce that there are too many characters with the name ‘Marshall’ in our video games.

Senior Assistant Researcher Mo ‘Marshall’ Funn from the Observatory noted: “From Colonel Marshall in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 to Marshal in Pokémon Black and White, we have noticed that there is a disproportionate number of ‘Marshalls’ in gaming. We even have Marshall Law for goodness’s sake.”

Unlisted Thoughts believes that if you named your character ‘John Marshall’, you lack any creativity and imagination, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Unlisted Thoughts does not forgive the inclusion of Troy Marshall in Call of Duty: Black Ops 6 as he could have easily been Troy Mandell or Troy Marichal.

Unlisted Thoughts wants action. Therefore, we have nominated the following the surnames to use in lieu of Marshall:

1. Caglioti
2. Germer
3. Yu
4. Poirier
5. Miyabe
6. Szpak
7. Idrobo
8. Mukisa
9. Curry
10. Meegan
11. Timon
12. Grzimek
13. Ollard
14. Doell
15. Woodhams

Unlisted Thoughts believes that the overuse of the name ‘Marshall’ contributes to higher levels of confusion between the name and the position/rank of ‘Marshal’.

Enough is enough.

We need diversity in names. It is easy to just revert back to ‘Marshall’ and call it a day. It is not going above and beyond by avoiding the Marshall cliché. It is just doing your job.

Executive Director of the Observatory for Video Game Plots and Stories Kid Marshall said:

“We can do better than to fill my games with more Marshalls when there are so many good surnames to use out there.”

Professional Trainspotter and Tube User Jeff Marshall said:

“When I play my video games, I don’t want to see more Marshalls. I get enough at home.”

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Media Contact: Tony Abbott Marshall