MEDIA RELEASE: Marco Rubio saw the light

 Download link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aEGx_Ou29ZKekQQRrvCqLoxPNULdraIA/view?usp=drive_link

Unlisted Thoughts is proud to see that Marco Rubio saw the light and voted to confirm himself as Secretary of State. Even when norms, precedents, and common decency stood in his way, Marco did not let that slow him down. It is when times are tough that the best people step up. Marco correctly observed that these norms, precedents, and common decency were for Democratic senators, not senators who voted consistently on confirming every presidential appointee for the grand old office of Secretary of State.

When Unlisted Thoughts called on the then-Senator Rubio to do what is right and vote to confirm himself, Marco heard us. We were the only voice calling for him to do so. If he did not do so, no one would. The media establishment, made up of five men in poorly fitted suits, failed to stop us and Marco in his quest to confirm himself. Marco has self-confidence, and those ill-fitted suits should as well.

Marco has now voted to confirm five out of five recent nominees for the position of Secretary of State. Unlisted Thoughts highly commends Marco on this consistency and dedication to the craft. Unlisted Thoughts is confident Marco will serve President Donald Trump with the loyalty of a hungry hound. Unlisted Thoughts is glad to have changed the US for the better; it is now up to Marco to do the same. We wish Marco all the best in his new position.

God bless Marco Rubio, the only member of the cesspit allegedly called a cabinet worthy of divine blessing. God bless the United States of America without performing acts reminiscent of dark times in the previous century.

Unlisted Thoughts is eager to see how Marco, who is beholden only to Unlisted Thoughts, works with the strange and strong men of the world. These people have no respect for democracy. So hopefully Marco, as a fan of that sort, can bridge the gap between the US and these people.

All eyes were on you, Marco. Go knock ‘em dead.

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Media Contact: John Howard
 

MEDIA RELEASE: New President of Lebanon elected

Download link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1k42XeOymVW1T7YMRrVMYYcCPIID_f-29/view?usp=drive_link

Unlisted Thoughts is proud to announce that former Commander of the Lebanese Armed Forces (LAF), Joseph Aoun, has been elected President of Lebanon by the ever-divided Lebanese parliament.

President Aoun brings with him the credentials of being a Maronite Christian, a man with the surname Aoun, and former Commander of the LAF. Unlisted Thoughts can confirm that President Aoun is, for all intents and purposes, a distinct person from his predecessor, Michel Aoun, even though they share the same surname. Based on careful observation of their hairline, Unlisted Thoughts believes that the two are unrelated.

For his fifteenth official act as President, Unlisted Thoughts calls on President Aoun to take off the uniform and get a decent presidential portrait. Otherwise, he will look like a South American dictator. If possible, this portrait should be freely licensed for people of the internet and the world, which includes Lebanon, to use at their pleasure.

Unlisted Thoughts calls on Lebanon, in accordance with Article 4 of the Lebanese Constitution, to maintain their capital in Beirut.

Unlisted Thoughts wishes President Aoun all the best. With all the tragedies, transgressions, and tedium that has afflicted Lebanon, President Aoun and his army of ministers have a lot to do. 

Unlisted Thoughts is happy to know that the Council of Ministers will no longer exercise the powers of the President under delegation, in accordance with Article 62 of the Lebanese Constitution, now that there’s a Maronite Christian to do so. 

Unlisted Thoughts hopes President Aoun can complete his six-year term, but we remained doubtful. We expect President Aoun to be succeeded by a three-year vacancy.

Mitchell Rourke impersonating the Hon Bob Katter MP said:

 “No, [my grandfather] is not. He’s Australian, and I resent strongly you describing him as Lebanese. That is a racist comment, and you should take it back, and you should be ashamed of yourself for saying it in public.

“You know, I think that asking people about where their forebears come from or commenting upon it is the height of bad manners. If my mother had ever heard me talking about money or about someone's racial origins I would've got a big hiding.”

Eminent person in Lebanon Hassan Mounir Al-Husseini said:

 “Khoury is a shyster and a charlatan, and I don’t trust him with my money, but he’s my friend. I’m not going to let you slander him while he’s out there and you’re in here. You know what? You’re a coward. That’s what you are, you are a coward. You bring shame to your family. Yes, you bring shame.”

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Media Contact: Joseph Cook